Dear
You,
You know
who you are. You’re the one who told me you loved me. You’re the one who told
me we were soulmates, meant to be, future husband and wife. You told me one day
I’d be your Mrs.; little did I know that was all a lie. Little did I know that
you would be the one who would hurt me most.
What did
you do, exactly? Let me tell you. You made me fall in love with you. That is
the first thing you did. Before you, I hadn’t been in love in over a year. I finally
had my walls built up, actively not letting anyone in. When I met you, that all
changed. I let those walls come crumbling down almost instantly. When I met
you, I thought you would be the one to prove to me not all guys are the same.
You did. You proved to me not all guys are the same by proving to me that some guys
can be worse than others.
How did
you do that? You made me trust you. You made me believe I was the only one. For
so many months, I thought I was the only one you wanted. I thought I was the
only one you called beautiful, the only one you FaceTimed every night, the only
one you called baby or said “I love you” to. I trusted you, and I was so very
wrong to do so.
Why was I
so wrong to trust you? Because of what you did to me. What you did to other
girls. You lied to all of us. I wasn’t the only one. You had so many. For six
months, there were so many other girls. With every social media app you
possibly could have, you talk to other girls. Facebook, Instagram, and my
favorite, Snapchat. Snapchat, the app for cheaters. You called me crazy and
creepy for looking at the little score on your Snapchat to see how many other
girls you sent Snaps to. The same ones you’d send to me. You called me crazy
and creepy for looking to see when you were last on Facebook because I knew you
were ignoring me. I wasn’t crazy or creepy. I just knew who you were. I knew
the kind of person you were. You were a liar. A cheater. My worst fear.
You were
my greatest dream turned into my worst nightmare. I should have known from the
start, when I first heard about you because of your girlfriend cheating on you.
I knew who she was, but I had no idea who you were. You were just some kid that
lived in a little town in Michigan only 30 minutes away from LaPorte. Your
girlfriend at the time was a girl I had known since seventh grade, and I had
hated her almost all of the years I’d known her. I heard she was cheating on
you, so I looked you up. I saw your pictures and posts about her and thought, “Wow,
she doesn’t deserve him. He seems like a great guy.” How wrong I was. I should’ve
left it at that. I never should have added you or talked to you. I knew nothing
good ever came from her or the people she dated. But I couldn’t help myself.
Something pulled me towards you.
I felt
something pull me to you, and I wish I hadn’t listened to that feeling. I let
you destroy me for six months. You lied to me, you played me, you cheated on
me, you even got back together with her and lied to me about it. You tried
getting me back while you were dating her. You cheated on her with me and I had
no idea you were even dating her. You told me you loved me. But you don’t do
that to the person you claim to love.
I tried
to move on with someone else. I started to. I really liked the person I was
talking to. The only things that kept me from completely moving on were that I knew
I was still in love with you (you were trying so hard to prove you had changed),
and the fact that I knew in the long run it wouldn’t work out with the person I
was talking to. So what did I do? I believed you. I gave you the chance. I
broke that person’s heart for you. I took you back. Because I made the mistake
of having faith that people can change.
People
can’t change. You can’t change a person. A person can only change if they truly
want to. You didn’t want to. You may have put up a good front, but I knew
underneath you didn’t want to change. You didn’t change. We got back together,
and for a little while you treated me better than you ever had. You flaunted me
to the world. We didn’t fight as much. You made me feel loved and wanted for
once in my life. Like I was the only one for you. But then things got bad
again.
When I say
things got bad, I mean we started fighting more and more. You stopped doing the
things you did when we first got back together. You stopped making me feel
loved and wanted. I began to think there was someone else yet again. I thought
you were going back to your old ways. You hated that I didn’t trust you. You
would get so angry with me when I asked about another girl or went on your
phone or acted suspicious of anything. I couldn’t calmly ask you a simple
question about anything without you freaking out at me. That put up so many red
flags for me. Every fight made me more worried. And then I saw the texts
between you and that girl. That was when my trust shattered again. Completely.
I had
caught you yet again, but you still denied any wrong doing. So I let it go as
much as I could. But I was still worried. I was so suspicious of the two of
you. And then we broke up. When we broke up, only four days later you began
talking to her. You hung out on Valentine’s Day. You kissed her Lord knows how
many times. You hung out at your house and cuddled and did things with her
around your family the way we had. You treated me like I never meant anything
to you. You basically left me for her. Which made me believe you had been with
her while we were still together. That hurt me more than words can ever
describe.
You told
me on Friday that the two of you are no longer talking, but I have finally let
you go. Two weeks of being without you, trying to get you back while you were
talking to someone else, it made me realize I’m worth more than that. For the
last two weeks, you hurt me more than you did in the entire nine months I’ve
known you. I was never good enough for you. Now that I know you also physically
cheated on me with a girl from your school when we were back together, I have
let you go. I have learned that the way you treated me and made me feel for the
last nine months is not a way I want to be treated by the person I love. It is not
how I want to spend my life. I do not deserve that, I deserve someone who’s
loyal and will do his best to always make me feel like his queen. You neglected
to do that. You just didn’t care. So I’m letting you go.
I’m
letting you go, and I know you probably don’t care. You probably already are
talking to someone new. I wouldn’t put it past you. I know I never meant
anything special to you. So I am letting you go. I know my worth, I know what I
deserve, and it is much better than what I’ve been through in the last nine
months. It may be hard to find better because for so long I thought there was
no better than you, but now I know that there must be somewhere. So I will find
it one day, and when that day comes I know you will realize that you gave up
the greatest thing that will ever happen to you. You will not find a girl who
loved you more than I did, or who would do anything for you like I would. But I
wish you luck in trying. You will need it. I’m letting you go now. Thank you for all the wonderful memories, and
thank you for teaching me so many things.
With
love forever, The Girl Who Will Find Better
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